The curse of facebook and PTSD!

I have been working at living a life where I manage my PTSD well. That is code for I try not to let it  interrupt everything do. It has only been a couple of years that I have been convinced I can not cure my PTSD… and not for lack of trying. It can not be cured, the symptoms have to be managed.

I know this  logically so then why do I torture myself with looking at family pictures on Facebook. I have been feeling down for a little while. My therapist moved away in February, I changed jobs sites in May and my doggie of 12.5 years passed away in June.

It makes sense that I would have a flare up if my world changed so much, I understand that part. But why would I add salt to the wound by looking at my brothers website when he is one of my perpetrators. From there I looked a couple more sites one which included a picture of my father. He looks old and frail nothing like the monster I remember. Family news states he is not remembering much of anything these days. Society tells me I should feel bad for him. Part of me wants to feel anything but hatred when I look at him.

So I guess the alternative is to look at Facebook and long for what I never had. I know better but sometimes I am still very much that little girl wanting to be loved. Sometimes i feel I have been shown this lesson a million times. The  part of me that holds out some shred of hope is much smaller than it used to be and yet it’s power can be so debilitating.

No more facebook today Tomorrow will be better.


About maggiejay64

I am a 51 year old woman, who lives in NY state. I received my MSW in May 2013. I have worked with people with developmental disabilities for most of my life. I love working with this population and have learned countless lessons from the people with whom I have been privileged to work. In Jan 2014 I received my LMSW and am currently working at a counselor in a Outpatient substance abuse facility. One of my greatest challenges in life is the fact that I lived through incest and the hell that followed. It took forty some years but today I can say I have come out on the other side..... mostly intact.
This entry was posted in c-ptsd, complex ptsd, family, healing from childhood sexual abuse, incest, mental health, mental illness, ptsd, self harm, sexual abuse, trust, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to The curse of facebook and PTSD!

  1. Terri R. says:

    I know how hard it can be. Just remind yourself of the feelings you will have when you do this and have a plan in place that when you want to look, you do something else. Like when I use to want to look at my ex’s FB page, I left my computer and went for a walk. make a list of simple things to distract you when the desire comes. I pray it gets easier for you as time goes on. Blessing!

  2. Like PTSD, the craving for a nurturing family may never go away. And it may keen more sharply at times. That little girl might need a cuddle, or take her someplace fun…bake cookies, swing…do something nurturing for yourself that provides softness and comfort.

  3. manyofus1980 says:

    sending hugs, i’m so sorry. I hope you feel better now xx

  4. Mandy says:

    Hi Maggie! I left blogging for a while and I’m so glad to find your blog again. This post really resonates with me. I’ve just stopped using FB, too. My expectations were too high–even though my grown daughter tries to tell me people and families are not really the way they portray themselves on social media. I hope you are feeling better. Finding others who are going through this helps-so far you’re the first person who has said what I feel, too. Take good care friend!

    • maggiejay64 says:

      So good to hear from you. I also stopped blogging for a while, I felt sometimes that it was making focus more on the negative and less on the positive. I miss writing, just have not been able to it. I hope all is well with you or the best that it can be with life’s struggles. Take care Mandy!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s