Changes make me feel unsafe in the world no matter what. I tried to think of another ending for that sentence but the truth is big changes or little changes make me feel unsafe in the world. I recently changed job sites and realized my PTSD makes change much more complicated. I have begun to realize how much I notice all of the little things in an attempt to feel like I have some control over my environment.
I am noticing every sensory interaction that I had incorporated in my day to make myself feel safe. Sounds of shoes walking in the hall, voices in the waiting room, smells of different colognes on different clients, location of safe spaces in the building, what raised voices to be concerned about and which ones not to…..I knew what to expect when I got out of my car and the sounds and sights on the walk into the building. The smell of the coffee in the waiting area, the demeanor of the three secretaries which can make or break your day. So change location, building, people, smells, sights, sounds, temperature and there a million new sensory interactions to learn before feeling safe again.
Most would say it is not a big deal. I am doing the same work in a different location. Actually it is a much slower paced office and I should be happy. And I would be if I could feel safe in my skin. I would tell my client it will just take time. UGH! the one thing worse than change is waiting!