Scared…….again

Soooooooo…….last week I felt like I had everything together!

Then this week one of my clients felt as though he could hug me….no invitation, no permission given, but he hugged me.

My head buzzed with words…no, please back up, boundaries , please don’t block the door.

He had no ill intentions but in my head that didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that he had just told me about why he is on the sex offender registry!!!

At age 33 he sexually abused a six year old girl! And now he was hugging me and blocking the door.

Do I stay in social worker mode, survivor mode, scream, freeze or play along.

I stayed in social worker mode, walked the client to the front office and went back to my office and proceeded to crash.

i flew so far back in my head I was afraid of the world! My fragile sense of safety shattered in an instant.

Back to that place where logic and reason does not exist!  I can’t see the world where I am whole again …..it is too far away!

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About maggiejay64

I am a 51 year old woman, who lives in NY state. I received my MSW in May 2013. I have worked with people with developmental disabilities for most of my life. I love working with this population and have learned countless lessons from the people with whom I have been privileged to work. In Jan 2014 I received my LMSW and am currently working at a counselor in a Outpatient substance abuse facility. One of my greatest challenges in life is the fact that I lived through incest and the hell that followed. It took forty some years but today I can say I have come out on the other side..... mostly intact.
This entry was posted in c-ptsd, childhood trauma, complex ptsd, healing from childhood sexual abuse, incest, mental health, mental illness, ptsd, sexual abuse, Uncategorized. Bookmark the permalink.

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