As i turn 52 years old today ! I think back at where i came from and where i am today. Never in a million years would I have expected to be in a happy and healthy relationship. I could not have told you  20 years ago that by age 50 i would be a licensed social worker working in the field of substance abuse and opening my own private practice.

I would have never guessed that in order to do all of this i would have to separate from my family of origin. I miss having a family that i can call and go visit. They are there but it is not healthy for me today to engage with them. Today i am a priority in my life.

It also took me years to figure out I could not cure my PTSD.

I tried …oh how i tried.

I would eventually accept that this was a disease that i needed to manage but there really is no cure. What i was doing was the same as if someone broke their leg 20 times and expected it to go back to exactly how it was before.

The problem with trying to do that is i went to bed each night feeling like i had failed once again, because i had not made the PTSD go away.

Accepting that PTSD is life long and needs to be managed helps me to go to bed thinking

I did the best i can do today and it is absolutely enough!

 

 

 

 

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About maggiejay64

I am a 51 year old woman, who lives in NY state. I received my MSW in May 2013. I have worked with people with developmental disabilities for most of my life. I love working with this population and have learned countless lessons from the people with whom I have been privileged to work. In Jan 2014 I received my LMSW and am currently working at a counselor in a Outpatient substance abuse facility. One of my greatest challenges in life is the fact that I lived through incest and the hell that followed. It took forty some years but today I can say I have come out on the other side..... mostly intact.
This entry was posted in c-ptsd, childhood trauma, incest, mental health, mental illness, trust, Uncategorized and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to

  1. La Quemada says:

    This is so wise and something I will remember, as I’ve so often struggled with the idea, “why aren’t I better by now? what is wrong with me?” So thank you. And happy birthday!

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