As i turn 52 years old today ! I think back at where i came from and where i am today. Never in a million years would I have expected to be in a happy and healthy relationship. I could not have told you 20 years ago that by age 50 i would be a licensed social worker working in the field of substance abuse and opening my own private practice.
I would have never guessed that in order to do all of this i would have to separate from my family of origin. I miss having a family that i can call and go visit. They are there but it is not healthy for me today to engage with them. Today i am a priority in my life.
It also took me years to figure out I could not cure my PTSD.
I tried …oh how i tried.
I would eventually accept that this was a disease that i needed to manage but there really is no cure. What i was doing was the same as if someone broke their leg 20 times and expected it to go back to exactly how it was before.
The problem with trying to do that is i went to bed each night feeling like i had failed once again, because i had not made the PTSD go away.
Accepting that PTSD is life long and needs to be managed helps me to go to bed thinking
I did the best i can do today and it is absolutely enough!