For as long as I can remember there have always been more questions than answers.
Why did my Dad do that to me, why didn’t my Mom stop him, why didn’t I stop him, why did my brothers take his place when he moved out, why did I allow them too???????
Questions roll around in my head forty years later, I have figured out some of the answers, I know it wasn’t my fault, I know i could not have stopped them.
But flashes and pictures of the abuse remain, questions I will never have answers to, questions I just need to learn to live with..
Sometimes I have present day questions that I need help answering…
I have started therapy again, I know the steps well, get to know them… they get to know you.. you have to relive the whole painful story…again! …but you do in hopes of feeling better.
Here is my present day question: what do you do when your therapist tells you about their story of abuse in more graphic detail than you are comfortable with?
Do I stay and struggle? Do I run and feel guilty? Am I being too sensitive or was a boundary crossed? Questions, questions, questions???